Monday, April 21, 2008

April 21st, 2008

Well, well, well. Did you miss me? Because I missed me. A lot. So here I am with a special gift to all of you devoted fans, and an apology for my unusually long absence. Our fan films haven't been around so much these days either, have they? I'm told it's because our two actors have had rather busy schedules lately and that they haven't had time to "work." For shame. Whatever the hell that means.

I hope you enjoy the special documentary I had made in your honor, oh-so-devoted ones. It's a glimpse into the life of a genius. Enjoy!

A Day in the Life of Moe Jacuzzi

Oh yeah. The pics: a snapshot of Mason Jomoa, my stargate pancake, Little Jonida caught writing a script (tee hee) and me bustin' out my mad skillz yo.

And to the mailbag --

mackenzies momma says: "oh great and wonderful moe, can you share any news on what your next project will be?"

Answer: Yes. It will be becoming the president of the world.

kirfect says: "Well. I see you have cut back on sugar again."

Answer: How the fuck could you tell????!!!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

December 11th, 2007

You all suck. Go to hell you f*%#ing a$$holes!

Aller mourir dans un trou quelque part odeure, vous le cochon-amant !

Peace out.

Oh yah. The pic is my new shoes. :)

Sunday, November 4, 2007

November 4th, 2007

How time does fly! Or rather, slows, given that we've actually gained an hour and that even though it feels like it's 2, it's really one right now. Time is such a fascinating thing. Speaking of time, if you have any free time be sure to check out the new episode now airing on YouTube.

Stargate Atlantis: Hidden

In this season finale, Weir hosts a talent show in an effort to distract the people of Atlantis while Vala hunts down the alien intruder from "Unexpected." TRT: 21 minutes.

This episode wraps up the storyline started in the premiere, "Unexpected." I'll bet you never thought we had that much continuity, did you? Well think again. We're very continuous people. I mean, even Little Jonida continuously takes craps in my slippers.

Today's pic is a gangsta Ronon posing for peace in the Pegasus hood.

Moe out, yo!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

November 1st, 2007

I love Halloween. I can buy tons of candy without anyone looking at me funny. They assume it's for the kids. But no. I don't give candy out to kids - it's much too good for children. Instead I hand out peanuts.

But there was a small mishap last night. While some children were receiving their peanuts, Little Jonida ran out of the house and down the street. "Wait!" I called. "Wait!" It's a shame she never learned English. I was forced to shove the children out of the way and ran down the street after Little Jonida. It was then that some idiot spotted me, thought I was dressed up as Joe Mallozzi for Halloween and asked to take my picture. I, of course, acquiesced. Then I gave them my autograph. I found Little Jonida with a pack of hookers.

Actually they turned out to be high school girls wearing Halloween costumes but I couldn't tell the difference. In fact, I had seen so many girls dressed in so little that I thought there must be some kind of rally going on with the local chapter of "Prostitutes for Peace."

The new episode is coming along well... or rather it was... you see, one of the main cast members decided to get pierced ears without approval. The careful-eyed viewer will notice that, in our upcoming episode, studs are there half the time and gone the other half. I hate these people who think they can do whatever they want to their own bodies without asking me, the one Power That Be, for my blessing. I am not best pleased. It's time for me to go kick my neighbor's jack-o-lantern off their balcony. So long.

Pics: Carving a pumpkin for Little Jonida. That last one was what I chucked at an old man after I set his beard on fire.

Friday, October 26, 2007

October 26th, 2007

I am in love. Yep, you read that right. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love! I just feel like jumping on the couch and belting to the world like Tom Cruise did on Oprah. And what, pray tell, is the object of my affection? Eggs with peanut butter.

Now, I know at first thought that might sound a little gross but trust me - it's divine. And simple, too. You start off with a hen and squeeze an egg out of its cloaca. Then you crack the egg and scramble it. This is the most important step -- you add a few tablespoons of peanut butter to the egg, mix it all up, then put it in the pan. If you're feeling extra salty you can add a few bacon bits. Or bacon grease. It doesn't matter. Wait till it all cooks up and viola! One scrum-diddly-ocious breakfast! Or in my case, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

For dessert I had a little Mexican flavor: Mexican rice, quesedilla and enchilada all smothered in sour cream. A mi me encanta!

The pre-production meetings for the next episode are going well. Especially the dance scene. Ooops - did I just let that slip? Yes, oh ye rabid fans - run amok with that little tidbit of information and speculate away for there certainly will be a dance scene in the next episode. If all goes well, filming should begin soon.

Does anyone out there miss my drawings? Because I miss drawing but I see no reason to draw unless someone makes a request because then I know that I'm drawing for someone which makes all the difference to me mentally because then I take a lot of time concentrating on all the lines in my stick figures.

And my bit finger is fine, by the way. Thanks for asking. Losers.

The picture is of my fifth second dinner. I mean... "dessert."

Mailbag --

Anonymous # 1 writes: "Hehehehe! Pooh!"

Answer: Please refrain from using profanity on my blog. Thank you.

Joseph Mallozzi writes: "Meh. I've seen eviler."

Answer: Normally I don't respond to comments like this, but I'll take that as a compliment coming from a man who's afraid of his own washing machine. Know how diabolical I am? I just throw all the colors in together and see what happens! (After selecting "delicate," "cold water only" and "gentle cycle," of course.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

October 24th, 2007

To Mr. Joseph Mallozzi who doth challenge me to maintain this blog, I hereby declare that I continue not because of your request, but because of the chivalry with which I live my life – the same code of honor that demands I maintain my public reputation as an amazing Sci Fi writer and as a far more devious villain than the likes of you.

I heard of your show’s renewal and guess what? Mine didn’t get renewed because it never has to get renewed because we have no budget and no one to answer to. Except for me. We answer to me. I mean I. I answer to myself. Because I’m the boss. Because I said so. Why? Because I’m Moe Jacuzzi.

To those of you who have been worried about my safety, I’d like to thank you and let you know that I am willing to brave the egg-wielding fans for the sake of maintaining communication with you all. Life just hasn’t been the same without your groveling.

I went to the doctor today. Little Jonida bit my finger the other day, you see, and I worried I would need stitches. “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” And she hath sharp teeth. The doctor took one look at me and started scribbling down notes.

“Don’t you need to examine my wound?” I asked.

“No,” he replied, itching his nose.

I was at a loss. I mean, seriously. What has this world come to? Was this doctor some sort of psychic who didn’t need to actually examine my injury but could feel my pain through the outer reachings of his effervescent mind? I. Think. Not. “What the hell?” I demanded. “Can’t you tell I’m in dying of agony here?”

He studied me from behind his half-moon spectacles. I briefly wondered if he were undressing me with his eyes. This thought, no doubt, came from my recent realizement that Dumbledore is a purple dumpling. Oh youth! You are but a fleeting thing! But I digress.

Well, it turns out the a-hole thought I was fat. He didn’t even look at my wound but sent me off with a Band-Aid and some Neosporin and a pamphlet about fat-burning exercises. I threw it into the first trash receptacle I came across. That’s right. I didn’t recycle. I’m a diabolic rebel.

Though when I got home Little Jonida gave me a very queer look. It brought me back to the moment that I sustained the injury in the first place. I had been trying to eat out of her food dish. Just a small smackerel. I’m sure you all can relate – that chopped beef and peas was just too enticing.

Though I did find a workout routine that works wonders for me. I thought I’d share it with you.

The picture is of my dinner on my new diet.

Mailbag -- No mailbag today. I’m a feeling a little brisk.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

August 24th, 2007

I know I said I’d lie low for a while, but I just couldn’t resist popping in to let you all in on a few updates with my life. Though I will never reveal my location, I will blog sporadically. Like right now.

Last night I ate at a charming Italian place called Mama Mia’s. I guess they named it that because the food tastes like some guy’s mom’s cooking or the like. I had cheese tortellini in a marinara sauce.

Also, since so many people like to joke that I look like a girl pretending to be a man, I decided to play along and wore a women’s shirt and some makeup to the restaurant. The first picture is my tortellini. The second is me showing you my breadstick with some man in the background – he was actually a fan who later asked for my autograph. I responded to him kindly as you can see in this video clip from the restaurant:

And now on to the big news… “Wanderers” (which I wrote, by the way) is currently airing on YouTube. I am quite proud of this episode. I think I did a great job with the witty dialogue. And you Shep whumpers should finally be happy. Please, watch, enjoy, and let me know what a great writer I am.

As you can see, I posted some pictures I took of the cast. The first is the actor who plays Kolya. The second is Kolya and a whumped Sheppard and McKay (it's not my fault that he's so short he didn't properly fit in the picture). The third is the actor who plays Kolya asking me not to take a picture of him but as you can see, it’s not my fault – I’d already pressed the button.

Stargate Atlantis: Wanderers

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

And don’t forget to visit Moldy Pumpkin for even more news, pictures and stills. Until next time, this is MJ (no, not Michael Jackson or that dumb girl who doesn’t know how to wear a bra from Spider-Man, but me, Moe Jacuzzi) signing out.