December 11th, 2007

You all suck. Go to hell you f*%#ing a$$holes!

Aller mourir dans un trou quelque part odeure, vous le cochon-amant !

Peace out.

Oh yah. The pic is my new shoes. :)

November 4th, 2007

How time does fly! Or rather, slows, given that we've actually gained an hour and that even though it feels like it's 2, it's really one right now. Time is such a fascinating thing. Speaking of time, if you have any free time be sure to check out the new episode now airing on YouTube.

Stargate Atlantis: Hidden

In this season finale, Weir hosts a talent show in an effort to distract the people of Atlantis while Vala hunts down the alien intruder from "Unexpected." TRT: 21 minutes.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

This episode wraps up the storyline started in the premiere, "Unexpected." I'll bet you never thought we had that much continuity, did you? Well think again. We're very continuous people. I mean, even Little Jonida continuously takes craps in my slippers.

Today's pic is a gangsta Ronon posing for peace in the Pegasus hood.

Moe out, yo!

November 1st, 2007

I love Halloween. I can buy tons of candy without anyone looking at me funny. They assume it's for the kids. But no. I don't give candy out to kids - it's much too good for children. Instead I hand out peanuts.

But there was a small mishap last night. While some children were receiving their peanuts, Little Jonida ran out of the house and down the street. "Wait!" I called. "Wait!" It's a shame she never learned English. I was forced to shove the children out of the way and ran down the street after Little Jonida. It was then that some idiot spotted me, thought I was dressed up as Joe Mallozzi for Halloween and asked to take my picture. I, of course, acquiesced. Then I gave them my autograph. I found Little Jonida with a pack of hookers.

Actually they turned out to be high school girls wearing Halloween costumes but I couldn't tell the difference. In fact, I had seen so many girls dressed in so little that I thought there must be some kind of rally going on with the local chapter of "Prostitutes for Peace."

The new episode is coming along well... or rather it was... you see, one of the main cast members decided to get pierced ears without approval. The careful-eyed viewer will notice that, in our upcoming episode, studs are there half the time and gone the other half. I hate these people who think they can do whatever they want to their own bodies without asking me, the one Power That Be, for my blessing. I am not best pleased. It's time for me to go kick my neighbor's jack-o-lantern off their balcony. So long.

Pics: Carving a pumpkin for Little Jonida. That last one was what I chucked at an old man after I set his beard on fire.

October 26th, 2007

I am in love. Yep, you read that right. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love! I just feel like jumping on the couch and belting to the world like Tom Cruise did on Oprah. And what, pray tell, is the object of my affection? Eggs with peanut butter.

Now, I know at first thought that might sound a little gross but trust me - it's divine. And simple, too. You start off with a hen and squeeze an egg out of its cloaca. Then you crack the egg and scramble it. This is the most important step -- you add a few tablespoons of peanut butter to the egg, mix it all up, then put it in the pan. If you're feeling extra salty you can add a few bacon bits. Or bacon grease. It doesn't matter. Wait till it all cooks up and viola! One scrum-diddly-ocious breakfast! Or in my case, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

For dessert I had a little Mexican flavor: Mexican rice, quesedilla and enchilada all smothered in sour cream. A mi me encanta!

The pre-production meetings for the next episode are going well. Especially the dance scene. Ooops - did I just let that slip? Yes, oh ye rabid fans - run amok with that little tidbit of information and speculate away for there certainly will be a dance scene in the next episode. If all goes well, filming should begin soon.

Does anyone out there miss my drawings? Because I miss drawing but I see no reason to draw unless someone makes a request because then I know that I'm drawing for someone which makes all the difference to me mentally because then I take a lot of time concentrating on all the lines in my stick figures.

And my bit finger is fine, by the way. Thanks for asking. Losers.

The picture is of my fifth second dinner. I mean... "dessert."

Mailbag --

Anonymous # 1 writes: "Hehehehe! Pooh!"

Answer: Please refrain from using profanity on my blog. Thank you.


Joseph Mallozzi writes: "Meh. I've seen eviler."

Answer: Normally I don't respond to comments like this, but I'll take that as a compliment coming from a man who's afraid of his own washing machine. Know how diabolical I am? I just throw all the colors in together and see what happens! (After selecting "delicate," "cold water only" and "gentle cycle," of course.

October 24th, 2007

To Mr. Joseph Mallozzi who doth challenge me to maintain this blog, I hereby declare that I continue not because of your request, but because of the chivalry with which I live my life – the same code of honor that demands I maintain my public reputation as an amazing Sci Fi writer and as a far more devious villain than the likes of you.

I heard of your show’s renewal and guess what? Mine didn’t get renewed because it never has to get renewed because we have no budget and no one to answer to. Except for me. We answer to me. I mean I. I answer to myself. Because I’m the boss. Because I said so. Why? Because I’m Moe Jacuzzi.

To those of you who have been worried about my safety, I’d like to thank you and let you know that I am willing to brave the egg-wielding fans for the sake of maintaining communication with you all. Life just hasn’t been the same without your groveling.

I went to the doctor today. Little Jonida bit my finger the other day, you see, and I worried I would need stitches. “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” And she hath sharp teeth. The doctor took one look at me and started scribbling down notes.

“Don’t you need to examine my wound?” I asked.

“No,” he replied, itching his nose.

I was at a loss. I mean, seriously. What has this world come to? Was this doctor some sort of psychic who didn’t need to actually examine my injury but could feel my pain through the outer reachings of his effervescent mind? I. Think. Not. “What the hell?” I demanded. “Can’t you tell I’m in dying of agony here?”

He studied me from behind his half-moon spectacles. I briefly wondered if he were undressing me with his eyes. This thought, no doubt, came from my recent realizement that Dumbledore is a purple dumpling. Oh youth! You are but a fleeting thing! But I digress.

Well, it turns out the a-hole thought I was fat. He didn’t even look at my wound but sent me off with a Band-Aid and some Neosporin and a pamphlet about fat-burning exercises. I threw it into the first trash receptacle I came across. That’s right. I didn’t recycle. I’m a diabolic rebel.

Though when I got home Little Jonida gave me a very queer look. It brought me back to the moment that I sustained the injury in the first place. I had been trying to eat out of her food dish. Just a small smackerel. I’m sure you all can relate – that chopped beef and peas was just too enticing.

Though I did find a workout routine that works wonders for me. I thought I’d share it with you.

The picture is of my dinner on my new diet.

Mailbag -- No mailbag today. I’m a feeling a little brisk.

August 24th, 2007

I know I said I’d lie low for a while, but I just couldn’t resist popping in to let you all in on a few updates with my life. Though I will never reveal my location, I will blog sporadically. Like right now.

Last night I ate at a charming Italian place called Mama Mia’s. I guess they named it that because the food tastes like some guy’s mom’s cooking or the like. I had cheese tortellini in a marinara sauce.

Also, since so many people like to joke that I look like a girl pretending to be a man, I decided to play along and wore a women’s shirt and some makeup to the restaurant. The first picture is my tortellini. The second is me showing you my breadstick with some man in the background – he was actually a fan who later asked for my autograph. I responded to him kindly as you can see in this video clip from the restaurant:

And now on to the big news… “Wanderers” (which I wrote, by the way) is currently airing on YouTube. I am quite proud of this episode. I think I did a great job with the witty dialogue. And you Shep whumpers should finally be happy. Please, watch, enjoy, and let me know what a great writer I am.

As you can see, I posted some pictures I took of the cast. The first is the actor who plays Kolya. The second is Kolya and a whumped Sheppard and McKay (it's not my fault that he's so short he didn't properly fit in the picture). The third is the actor who plays Kolya asking me not to take a picture of him but as you can see, it’s not my fault – I’d already pressed the button.

Stargate Atlantis: Wanderers

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

And don’t forget to visit Moldy Pumpkin for even more news, pictures and stills. Until next time, this is MJ (no, not Michael Jackson or that dumb girl who doesn’t know how to wear a bra from Spider-Man, but me, Moe Jacuzzi) signing out.

August 11th, 2007

We come to it at last - my final blog entry. I regret that I didn't have the time to write this sooner but I was packing to embark upon my leave of undetermined length. Several of you have expressed a clinging desire for me to remain - as such, I leave open the possibility of popping in every once in a while as occasion permits. However I will never reveal my location lest angry fans hunt me down.

To help ease the suffering of my absence, I offer to you the suggestion of reading the blog entitled "Moldy Pumpkin" which can be found here.

You have all been so graciously kind, showering in your praise and have served your role as minions well. I am so very proud.

I shall now attempt to explain the pictures before I get too choked up here... the first two are of my breakfast. Always drink milk - especially you women! The Final three are a few candid moments in which I was caught unawares, but I found it fit to grace you with my likeness one final time.

And now, oh-so-bittersweetly, to check the mail --

PG15 writes: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Please, don't leave us!!! *cries* How are we to survive without your brilliance giving us light and...bunnies?! Think of the bunnies oh great and powerful Moe! Think of the bunnies!!"

Answer: Bunnies? Bunnies? I'm not sure if I even like bunnies... but since you have been my faithful servant, minion, and even adviser, I bid you now a very fond adieu!

not that anonymous but the other one writes: "If Sheyla becomes canon, will you write a story in which Shep actually looks directly at her? Because that would be like so kewl. Even though it's not necessary due to the Sheyla psychic network and all."

Answer: I'll have to talk to one of the directors and get him to force Sheppard to look at Teyla, even if it entails a neck brace.

Kirfect writes: " Say it ain't so MOE!!! Don't go.

:: Crying here:::

Please stay

:: Groveling and Begging:::

do it for your fans!

Do you have any fans?"

Answer: Me? Me? Do I have fans? An entire collection of them, if you must know, and all imports from the far East!

Yasmin writes: "Please don't leave us Mr. J., what would us poor folks who have no life do at 12:30 AM on a Friday night w/o your blog to read?!"

Answer: No life at 12:30 am Friday, eh? Well, hopefully come September you can watch Atlantis reruns at that time. But if that doesn't tickle your pickle, you could check out the blog I recommended.

P.S. I've always liked your name, though don't tell anyone.

Inflamed Lemming writes: "Where will the S/J shippers who have been waiting tediously for over a decade now go to ask over and over again about consumation of that glorious relationship? Or where will those fans still stuck seething over the save the hunky archeologist (seasons 1-5) go to continue their wailing?

And where on earth can we go to find such glorious pictures of food.

No, Moe, don't go..."

Answer: Lemming, you say? Don't you mean guinea pig? And as for your lack of satisfaction... try making your own fan film - it might help. Ah yes, my glorious pictures of food. I'm getting teary-eyed here...

Joseph Mallozzi writes: "Yeah, I checked out your Shipper Wars parody and have to say I am both disappointed and very, very angry. You have a lot of nerve. I mean, seriously. What the hell kind of tie is that? And you fancy yourself a supervillain. For shame."

Answer: And to think I once held the hope that we could be allies. Just because I don't have the fashion sense of a supervillain doesn't mean I'm not trying, okay?! I have a very stressful job - you've no idea what life with talking puppets is like and trying to write around the fact that one of your star actors is a duck can get downright awkward. And besides - I think the fact that I get eggs thrown at me proves that I am more loathed than you, and therefore am more supervillainy than you. To compound that point - I will now perform a vanishing act the likes of which even Voldemort and Vader couldn't compete - and I will leave you all in suspense wondering where I've gone. Biding my time building an army, perhaps? Or just crying myself to sleep each night? Oh the nefariousness of my pleasure in knowing that you all will never discover the answer...

On that note - I hereby proclaim that I shall leave this blog up for posterity. And if you will all excuse me...


... Arrividerci!

August 10th, 2007

Pics are of my scrumdiddlyocius breakfast, my favorite plant to walk naked in (for some reason I end up itchy afterwards), and Public Enemy # 1 attempting to avoid her likeness being captured.

Little Jonida came to work with me today, as planned. I snuck her in my briefcase with a bottle of onion soup and a can of Ostrich Idus. After double-checking to make sure the coast was clear, I closed the door and turned on my computer and let little Jonida type away. It’s frightening how many great story ideas she has. As those of you who have seen the documentary probably noticed, we pride ourselves in employing talking animals. Which is why I am suddenly struck with just how perverted owning a dog is in the world of talking animals.

Did any of you read the books or watch the cartoon of Arthur? He was an aardvark whose best friend was a rabbit. He hung out with two monkeys and a bear/bulldog thing and... he owned a dog. Is that not sick and twisted? I’m beginning to question my own morality here.

I was also ambushed while exiting the office yet again today. Little Jonida was traumatized by my screams as I was pelted by not only eggs, but also tomatoes. I’m beginning to think that the children I met at the park yesterday were also savage heathen guinea pigs sent to ambush me, which would be why they threw the rock.

In this state of deep self-reflection I have decided that this shall be my penultimate blog entry. That’s right, my minions - Moe Jacuzzi is going to be disappearing from the web. I can’t say for sure when I’ll be back, especially since I’ll be spending most of the rest of my time counseling little Jonida after her recent trauma, but there is always the possibility of my return. For now, however, it is time for you to leave me your parting words, comments and questions. I’ll post for my final time tomorrow.

On that dismal note, I’ll check the mail –

PG15 writes: “Moe, would you like me to rub your feet for hours at a time? I request nothing in return, as I will be by your side. Or even better, I would be beneath you, which is exactly how fans should feel...globviously.”

Answer: Oh my faithful minion, how I shall miss your incessant groveling. But for the time being I must ask you be patient my humble servant, and await in the shadows as the Death Eaters awaited the return of the Dark Lord.

Kirfect writes: “Is there anyway that you can have Carter say. "Dude we should whack this guy" sometime soon?

Also is there any pie left”

Answer: Whack who? That is not a subtley-veiled fandom reference to hiring a hit man to kill me, is it? And gods no – that piece of pie that I photographed was one I specifically cut out and set aside for the picture while I devoured the rest with my hands.

Jen Kirk writes: “You may not find it funny Moe, but I gotta say the fact that you have bitching directed towards YOU is truely hilarious”

Answer: Finally – a fan who truly understands my invaluable worth. I created this blog for praise, not complaints. Nor a source of negativity. I don’t see why so many of you got upset over my guinea pig comment. Guinea pigs are cute – fat, scurrying, and squeaky.

SallyWallyWee writes: “Oh Moe I wuv u so mush I no everyone is naked under thier cloths but Sam & Jack R saving themselfs for special cuddles after thier marriage which we can play out in my Princess Barbie tent in yur garden.

Mom & Apple Pye says shes kept a glory box for me since i woz born so its perfect for uz to set up houze in the Princess Barbie tent 2gether.

Mom & Apple Pye wantz uz 2 set up the Princess Barbie tent in her garden coz u need to beehav yurself

We can have a doble wedding wit my Elisbef & Shep dollz.”

Answer: Whoa whoa whoa... when I responded to your previous comments I didn’t mean to give the impression that I was in any way interested in you, little girl. And who the hell are Mom and Apple Pye?

Anonymous # 1 writes: “Now, your doggies are so adorable!”

Answer: Why thank you. I certainly think so. Did you enjoy today’s little Jonida story?

Northern Red writes: “Will John confess his undying love for Elizabeth before she gets axed from the show?”

Answer: She was exploded, not axed. There were no axes involved, aside from that shard of metal stuck in Ronon which no one made the offer to pull out because we didn’t want his teammates caring about his life to seem shippy in any way. Though I don’t discuss ships.

DownWithSheyla writes: “Moe, Who do you thinks is prettier Elizabeth are that slut Teyla?”

Answer: ....Ah yes. I see you’re one of the Weir/Jacuzzi, Teyla/Jacuzzi shippers. It’s flattering, really, though I don’t discuss ships.

TeylaIsYucky writes: “Moe, If you guys make Sheyla cannon I will no longer watch your show, oh wait a minute, I thinks I've already made that threat a million time already. Let me see I need something new to threaten you with. You know I'm really going to have to give this alot of thought, so I'm going go back to GW, talk to the rest of my Sparky friends and come up with some new threats.”

Answer: ...You’re not an egg-wielder, are you?

August 9th, 2007

I spoke with Jacob again today. I finally got him to tell me where he was - apparently he's on some island in the Pacific and is ordering a bunch of people around. He has a minion named Ben that he gets to do most of his dirty work, like live experimentation upon people to see how they react to stress to help with character studies. He's such a great guy - you gotta love that Jacob! And for anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about... You're clearly not as nerdy as you think you are.

Sorry - I didn't have time for any drawings today. I actually had to work. Though I passed some children in the park playing pirates and when I joined in I think I was a little too convincing for one of them threw a rock at me...

Interesting pics today. The first is of a slice of decadent chocolate malt crunch Oreo ice cream pie. And yes, it is worth the long name. The second is an old picture I rediscovered of the Christmas cookies I made this year while I was reading Eragon. On the left is the ever roguish Murtagh accompanied by Eragon. The third picture is Brom. For some reason I always imagined him like that - wearing a red diaper with a huge nose and a yellow beard, so imagine how let down I was when I saw the film and Brom was played by Jeremy Irons. With no diaper. Not even a beard. Fourth pic is a b*%#$ing fan and a dog. Fifth is Public Enemy # 1 with David Hewlett.

I must rush off to eat, so a quick look in the mailbox before I'm off --

Oh Noez writes: "I was going to post something making fun of fandom, but after staring in horrified wonder at the August 7th comments in Joe M's blog ..I ...I got nuthin'!

I mean, how in the hell are we suppose to compete with that?"

Answer: Sadly, I've got nothin', especially if you look at their response to the documentary in the August 8th comments.

Joseph Mallozzi writes: "Will fan favorite Lucius Luvin be returning in season four? There is still so much about this lovable character that has yet to be explored. If you're looking for story ideas, I'm your man.

P.S. Do you accept unsolicited pitches?"

Answer: Story ideas, you say? About Lucius? I'd love to hear them. I personally have many plans for Lucius Luvin. For example, I'd love to see him become a permanent resident of Atlantis and start a role play club which Ronon becomes completely obsessed with. Shortly after, Buster from Arrested Development would turn up, mistake a large box of red wine for juice and drink the whole thing before manically skipping through the halls, proclaiming his love of juice to all. In the meantime, Lucius would be attending a magic show performed by Gob.

No - normally I do not accept unsolicited pitches, however since you have an Italian surname I'll make an exception and disregard the legal issues. Pitch away.

Anonymous # 1 writes: " More Sparky! More Sparky!

That is all."

Ansswer: I do not discuss ships.

Iasha writes: "What is your opinion on actors trying to direct episodes? Yay or nay?"

Answer: I have a huge problem with them "trying." I wouldn't mind so much if they actually DID it successfully. As a little green man with Miss Piggy's voice once said, "Do or do not. There is no try." Or something like that...

Quiet_Fractures writes: "No I'm not Rachel Ray. Thank God."

Answer: ...I am so crushed. We would have been a great team. You could have made meals and I could have photographed them for your cookbook...

PG15 writes: " Joseph Mallozzi said...
*snip*

...And then the Universe imploded."

Answer: I don't play favorites.

Anonymous # 2 writes: " you're like a Picasso, Moe. love ya!!! draw me a picture of Sparky and Spanky, puuhleeese"

Answer: Picasso? Wow. Thank you. And I'll see what I can do about that request...

Anonymous # 3 writes: "So did you contribute anything to Ark of Truth or Continuum?

And any chance at all Daniel will show up this season???"

Answer: No - I didn't. I tried, but they didn't like my idea of having Daniel dressed as a giant cheese. And to answer your second question, if the other writers let him show up dressed as a giant cheese, then yes, he will be.

Tollbooth writes: "So Moe having watched the Shipper War documentary, it looks like you basically got rid of Elizabeth for your own shipper needs.

Are you a sheyla shipper?"

Answer: I hope you start rioting in the streets against the filmmakers. Sheyla is the intended ship, but I don't play favorites nor do I discuss ships.

Hair In A Can writes: "Any chance of getting some John Sheppard development next season? Perhaps something shocking that will set the internet ablaze?
P.S. Daniel looks like he was stabbed in the forehead in your exclusive photo. True?"

Answer: Ah yes - in fact, in season four Sheppard will shock viewers when he (and Ronon) discover that they are actually identical women. And as for the Daniel pic... I was actually trying to draw Harry Potter but messed up and turned him fuglier than he already is so I made him Daniel.

Yasmin writes: "If we can't all poke fun at one another, what else can we do?"

Answer: Apparently bitterly complain, moan, rant, and spurt negativity in order to avoid a healthy dose of self-reflection.

August 8th, 2007

“And you, good sir? What would you like?”

I blinked up at the portly man hovering before me with a notepad in his hand, ready to take my order. “Uh…” I stammered. I had only just sat down. “I think I’ll need a minute, thanks.”

The man smiled and nodded, yet remained by my table, as if he were inexplicably drawn to me. I couldn’t help but notice that he was staring so I chanced a glance over.

“Yes?” I asked, as politely as one can while one is being blinked at with French-like interest.

“I am so sorry, sir…” the waiter began, smiling, showing his stained teeth once more. “I do not mean to intrude but… might I join you for dinner?”

I had poised my camera above a few packs of sugar that I had just artistically arranged yet faltered before I got the chance to snap the perfect shot. I looked back over to him. “Excuse me?”

He was nervously wiping his palms on his little white apron. He glanced around then leaned in, conspiratorially whispering, “I know who you are.”

Now, I’m a popular guy. That much I’ve learned from my blog. In fact, I even heard a rumor that there’s a blog somewhere out there mimicking mine as a playful parody to help out with a fan film being made. Imitation is the sincerest form of flatter, or so they say… But rest assured, I was not prepared for this man’s confession. I gazed at him, noting the sweat trickling down his temples and the way the hairs of his 5 o’clock shadow stemmed from darkened skin pores. At last I found my voice. “You do?”

It turns out that he’s a huge Stargate fan and has been reading my blog for months. He’d been hoping ever since he discovered my double life on the net that I would visit his restaurants and lo and behold – in I walked through his door! He turned out to be quite the dinner guest (seeing as, of course, my most gracious self allowed him to accompany me as I partook in sustenance, reveling in how he basked in my radiance… and the flash from my camera). But alas – he specifically requested that his likeness not be distributed on the web, so no pics of him.

He did, however, have some surprisingly insightful input on the show, aside from his numerous requests to see certain characters running in circles, slapping their buttcheeks as some sort of ceremonial celebration of—

I just got a phone call. Apparently the documentary I was interviewed for the other day is finished and out on the web. This is my official public statement that I had no idea that the documentary was being made by the girls of BoneRiceFilms on YouTube. I make as large an effort as possible to ignore them and now I’ve unknowingly contributed to one of their creative projects. I am most disturbed. In order so that you, my faithful minions, may share in my pain, here is the link to the film, cut into 3 pieces because of length, I presume.

Shipper Wars: The Documentary

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

I need a distraction… time to check the mail –

Anonymous # 1 writes: “Lemme show you all wuts up...

...yeah...

allllriigghh..

No Ford?
And we’re bored! (unh...)
Why bring him back?
Cause he was black! (chyeah...)
Why, if I see that fool Ladin,
Then where’s my man Aiden?
To show devotion, I even made a gourd
Dat looked just like Ford!
Any chocolate we send, you’re free to hoard,
But bring back our brother Ford!
So stop hadin on my man Aiden,
Or I’ll start raidin - cause I’m tired of waiden.. (mmm...)
I’ll ward off any of them, with a foot to the face
Like Ford would’ve, to put them in der place! (chyeah!!)
Now why is it I that’s hadin?
CAUSE I’M NOT SEEING AIDEN!

PEACE”

Answer: Normally I wouldn’t copy and paste an entire post, however I found this one to be a lovely distraction from the content in the video. At least no one asks me to ship Ford with another character. Have I ever mentioned my dreams of a musical rap career? Believe it or not, I make quite the thug. I have good Mafia genes.

Anonymous # 2 writes: “Hey did the Flan Man really say this about SG-1's cancellation?

"Yeah, it was a good run. Kinda show you could just sit around and drink a beer to. Like my own famous brand, O'Flanigan's. A rich mixture of hearty sundrenched barley lovingly fermented and mixed with just the right ingredients - you'll enjoy it to the last drop." - Joe Flanigan.”

Answer: Believe it or not, I wouldn’t know. As much as the actors adore me, they don’t share every waking hour with me.

Yoursuckup writes: “They MUST be the crazy ones, right? You agree with me, right?”

Answer: Normally I don’t respond to questions like this, but after seeing that BoneRiceFilms documentary, I offer you a resounding YES!!!

Glithoneill (with 2 llls) writes: “Daniel is the most popular character and that's the only character we want to hear you discuss. After all, Stargate SG-1 is Daniel's story.”

Answer: You’re absolutely correct. In fact, for a while in season 9 we thought of re-naming the show “Jackson Gate.”

Anonymous # 3 writes: “Interesting dog. It looks like the one RDA has. Did you dognap her to make him work in the movies?”

Answer: …No plans for O’Neill to be in the movies just yet. And though I usually refrain from acronyms… STFU about the dog – I wouldn’t ever dognap anything so ugly, even if it were to coerce MacGyver. I only touch pugs. All other dogs are the spawn of rejected octopus matter.

NC17 writes: “I'm going to sulk now. I feel very much unloved, and I think you'll have to work to make it up to me. Maybe another whiteboard full of fake storyline for me to squee over.”

Answer: Check out the pics. Happy?

Anonymous # 4 writes: “And her title is Dr. You know you got rid of Dr Janet, Dr Beckett and Dr Weir. Can I nominate her for dismissal via Wraithification next?”

Answer: Ah, I see you’ve noticed my dislike of Doctors. It stems from the fact that as a child, I wanted to be Dr. Evil, yet when I grew up I was told that there was no Doctorate of Evil offered. My therapist says I’ve never gotten over it.

Masochistic Ourstargate writes: “*ahem* I have a small request though, can you say this while wearing fishnet stockings and a corset....? Just thought I'd put that out there, no pressure.”

Answer: Why does everyone insist that I am a transvestite???!!!

Sallywallywee writes: “Moe, My Sam & Jack dols R nakid under their clothez so after their weding they can make beootiful wuv 2gether.”

Answer: Everyone’s naked under their clothes, sweetheart.

Scared and Confused SG-1 Fan writes: “You know Moe, I just can't get a handle on SGA fandom.”

Answer: I think it’s pretty clear that I have no idea what I or any of the fans are talking about half the time, also.

PG13 writes: “What is the synopsis for 'The Wanderers'? Is it 40 minutes of the team wandering through a pine forest? If it is, that is pure genius! Something we have never seen before!”

Answer: It’s funny you should ask that about “Wanderers,” which, in case you didn’t know, I wrote. When I first conceived of the idea it was approximately 30 minutes of the team wandering in coastal redwood forests, however, due to location issues, I changed it to roughly 30minutes of the team wandering in a more desert-like environment, complete with sand dunes!

Sallyweeps writes: “Sorry to hijack the blog yet again Moe, but some people just have to be corrected. Now tell us more about your dogs. Because that is what we truly live for.”

Answer: Glad you asked. Rodolphus is doing well, though he had an anal gland infection yesterday morning. I cleaned that out then I had to break up a fight between little Jonida and Chestweasel. Jonida is just so darn cute, though, that I don’t mind it when she pees on me, the rug, my clothing, or anything for that matter. In fact, I’m planning on sneaking her into the office with me on Friday and letting her have a crack at writing an episode. People don’t generally know this, but Chestweasel actually wrote a few of the season 3 episodes.

Whumpsheylala writes: “Moe, is John ever going to slap Teyla?”

Answer: Hasn’t Ronon already slapped Teyla? Teyla and Sheppard will have heated discussion and Teyla will become very insane and overly-emotional during her pregnancy and might attempt to run people over with her belly.

Anonymous # 5 writes: “And any chance you will honor Masochistic OurStargate members request; and hope you post the picture.

Again great blog keep those spoilers and pics coming.”

Answer: Thanks. I certainly try. Though I make it a general rule to not give the fans what they want, so sorry, I shall not be fulfilling Masochistic OurStargate’s request.

Peterconfetti writes: “Moe, my question to you is: How do I properly smite my fandom enemies so they fall at the feet of the glorious behemoth that is Sam/Jack? With one vague comment you are able to cause a fandom meltdown and various factions to try and rip each other’s throats out! Yet my months of incessant trolling have barely had any effect whatsoever!”

Answer: You sound like someone in the documentary I was interviewed for. I’m not sure if I can continue answering your questions now…

Anonymous # 6 writes: “If you like mint chocolate, may I also suggest 3 Musketeers Mint with Dark Chocolate? I love that chocolate.”

Answer: Ah yes, you MIGHT suggest that if you had a BRAIN! What are you trying to do – make me FAT?!

88MPH writes: “You're really busy! You read lots of books, go to fancy restaurants, play with your pugs, blog almost every day, and even have time to string along Stargate fans. On top of that you're the executive producer of Atlantis! Amazing!”

Answer: Indeed, indeed. I have heard, by some, that I am God-like…

Blabby writes: “Moe, I noticed that you haven't been talking enough about Teyla in season 4. Can you start talking about her? I don't want to sound demanding or anything, but that's all I care about. By extension, that's all you should care about too.”

Answer: Sure. Just send me a Teyla-related question and I will talk away.

August 7th, 2007

One of my favorite TV shows is Curb Your Enthusiasm. Why? Because Larry David makes hilarious episodes that satirically expose the absurdity of a situation while wearing the convincing disguise of actuality. David is a mastermind of flirting with the line of impropriety and provoking a response without crossing said line. His social commentaries highlight the behaviors that we have grown accustomed to and force ourselves to accept, when really we should be taking a step back and wondering, "why is it so improper for a man to comment that he'd like underwear made of the foam of a bra cup while in a lingerie store? After all, it is an underwear store." His show is hilarious yet insightful at the same time. A good dose of satire makes one more aware and humbles the ego to maintain inner balance. Which is why I feel it's important that Larry David tease his "celebrity" friends, lest they forget that it's all about entertainment.

In that same spirit, I attempted to get the cast to pose for humiliating photographs today, but all I got was a stuntman and an apple. I had a chicken and pesto sandwich for lunch today and meant to photograph it for my blog... then realized that I'd already eaten it all before I got a good shot, and I don't think anyone wants to see it when it returns. There's a shot of the placard on my desk. And another of a dog who is ugly because she is not a pug.

Sorry - no drawings today. I am pleased that so many of you whumpers enjoyed my whumped Sheppard drawing and even went so far as to praise my art skills, however I am very upset that a) no one mentioned my first drawing of the team wandering from "Wanderers," and b) that no one commented on the fact that McKay is clearly squatting on the trail, defecating in said drawing.

Now to check the mailbag --

nc17 writes: "My skills include sucking up, blind loyalty, being a yes man, basically making you fell better about yourself. Do I get to be your loyal servant when you try to take over the world."

Answer: I'm assuming that was a question even though there was no question mark. And your skills sound entirely useful... brush up on your spelling and punctuation and I may yet have use for you...

Anonymous # 1 writes: " So Ronon and Teyla, how many stickfights will they have?"

Answer: Teyla and Ronon have no relationship. Though being aliens whose cultures are below ours, yes, they do hit each other with sticks. When their enemies come they can be ready to hit them with sticks, too. Teyla and Ronon will have several stick fights because they have no relationship.

Anonymous # 2 writes: "I mean, US SHEYLA shippers have been NOTHING but very extremely Sweet and Nice. We do nothing to piss ANYONE off. They on the other hand just SUCK. WE are so much better. Don't you agree?"

Answer: Yes, I do, actually... and if you want to prove your sweetness, go ahead and send me a box of chocolates. Though I don't talk about ships.

Anonymous # 3 writes: "I was wondering if any of the future SG-1 movies will be centered around Mitchell losing his pants."

Answer: Not as of yet, however I am not in charge of the films. I'll put a word in for you, however, since Mitchell losing his pants yet again could gain a few more viewers...

peteconfetti writes: "Anyway, this is just a friendly note to let you know that if Sam and Jack don't get together I will destroy your blog with my army of sockpuppets."

Answer: Sorry to hear about what a tough month it's been. I sometimes get the feeling that if I just disappeared from the internet no one would care, either. But then I think of the smiling faces of my dogs and I know that my life has meaning. But sock puppets, you say? How utterly disturbing... I shall ready my ninja sword to be prepared to cut off the hands infesting those puppets should the situation call for it.

anonymouse writes: " Moe, how in the hell do you eat all that crap and not get fat?!!!"

Answer: It's funny - I've been waiting for someone to ask just that question. I alternate my routines - one morning I'll wake up and run, not jog, but run for 100 miles, and the next morning I'll lift 50 lb weights for 2 hours.

Disturbingly Pervy Anonymous writes: "Moe, if you, Brad and Rob C. were to have a wet t-shirt contest, who would have the best abs? And how much more can you bench press than Coop?"

Answer: Good question. I've actually been wondering that myself recently. Since I work out so much, I think the answer would be me. As for your second question, I now have some investigating to do...

sanscoeur writes: "Please tell them that your plan was to have Twix from day one."

Answer: I love Twix. Do you have any packs of the peanut butter kind? Those are my favorite yet oh so hard to come by. Feel free to mail a pack to the studio.

PG13 writes: "Moe, just letting you know that I've carved your likeness into the flocking you gave me and used it as the centerpiece in an elaborate shrine I've erected in your honor.

I hope you don't think this is too over-the-top, I don't want things to get 'weird' between us or anything."

Answer: That's fabulous. How 'bout a piccy? I don't think anything coul get 'weird' between us, whether you've erected something in my honor or not. Thanks.

Wimzi writes: "Next time you do a drawing of him, can you make it anatomically correct? If not, I'm sure one of us thunkers could do it for you."

Answer: I'll ave my copy of Grey's Anatomy on hand next time I get the urge to draw Shep Whump. I knew something was missing but just couldn't place what... a toe, perhaps?

Sallyweeps writes: "And Moe, how do you tolerate the narrowminded people you have to deal with? You must be some kind of saint. More hugs."

Answer: Ah yes - the challenge of the narrow minds. It's something that I have faced all of my life - some people just refuse to recognize my authority and feel a sense of entitlement because of my accessibility on the web. And it's not like I talk about ships or anything so I don't see why they keep commenting.

psychowhumperchick writes: " OMG! OMG! Moe, I think I just had a dozen of your babiez."

Answer: Oh dear - you better call me soon. We have some child support payments to work out...

Anonymous # 4 writes: " Oh my, the picture of Sheppard is awesome. I love it. Can you draw more? Please? Pretty please? *begs* May I recommend Ghirardelli Intense Dark Mint Bliss? You will love that chocolate. :D"

Answer: Thank you for your support of my artwork. I just may draw more... if I get sent enough chocolate. Thank you for your recommendation - I'll check it out. I'm always one for Minty Blissness.

Masochistic OurStargate member writes: "Moe please tell us we suck! Say we're delusional with issues! Take unsolicited swipes at us in your blog! Blame us for the downfall Stargate! That's right, side with the Sam and S/J fan faction against us! Write more S/J shippiness! Yes! Yes! More shippiness!

*lights cigarette*"

Answer: You suck. You're delusional with issues. I shall unsolicitedly smite you with my snarky prowess and super villain powers...

wotza grrl 2 do writes: " moe omg ur soooo gr8! my mom thnks ur a reel person cuz i talk about u all d time omg thatz so cool lolololol!!11!!"

Answer: Really? Like, what do you say, specifically???

Hey Nonny Nonnymous writes: " I would like to complain about the lack of any resolution to the Teal'c/Cam ship."

Answer: Ah - I was afraid of this. It is a serious issue that I also personally hope gets remedied. Though I don't talk about ships.

sekrit shipper writes: "Dammit Moe! I'm sick of you stringing us shippers along. It's been 10 years, 10 long years of simmering unresolved sexual tension.

If Sam and Walter don't finally declare they're undying love for each other and have a white wedding on the Gate ramp with Cam, Teal'c and Daniel as flower girls I will commit hari-kari!"

Answer: I'm working on it - the issue of getting the actors to agree to being flower girls is still on the negotiating table, however. Though I don't talk about ships.

iamnotasock writes: "And don't stop feeding us all that behind the scenes info that has been so accurate up until now."

Answer: Rest assured, I won't. Now here's an interesting tidbit - in the episode "Wanderers," which I wrote, an old nemesis returns... and there is Shep whump.

Anonymous # 5 writes: "I hope you put the drawings up on ebay; they would sell so well.

Any chance we will get to see Sam eat blue jello on Atlantis?

Love the blog and can't wait to see more food and dog pics keep them coming."

Answer: Really? You think so? Wow. Maybe I should try to auction them off... and maybe, just for you, I'll draw Daniel and Sam eating blue jello in Atlantis... though I don't play favorites.

Anonymous # 6 writes: "The Human Resources department says there are no current vacancies coming up...ever. And they want the big jar of chocolates back from their waiting room desk, by the way."

Answer: I'd appreciate it if you had a little more discretion and didn't ask me about this in a public forum. I was having a bad day and I already sent a check for the chocolates, okay? And for the smashed vase... and the coffee pot... and that woman's doughnut...

Farscape's Calliope writes: "Why isn't Vala on the DVD box art for R1? "

Answer: Because we thought people in R1 didn't speak English and therefore would have something against a woman with an English accent even though she's from space. Sorry.

Sanscoeur writes: "Est-ce que nous verrons plus de sex dans La Porte Des Etoiles? Et surtout, du sex avec un peu de chocolat?" Merci!"

Answer: Quand il y jamais a eu le sexe dans le Portail d'Etoile ? Et sentir que libre m'envoyer quelque chocolat français. J'aime les pommes de terre et les haricots écrasés.

Enquiring minds writes: " Ou est la toilet dans la puddle jumper? Ou est que pourquoi ce s'appelle le puddle jumper. :P"

Answer: Très drôle ! Le portail d'étoile est en fait un bol de toilette énorme et les vermoulures sont les tuyaux. Donc le Cavalier est le poop.

quiet_fractures writes: "Moe Jacuzzi I LOVE YOU."

Answer: I know I've said this before but... if you're Rachel Ray, then right back at ya.

Sallywallywee writes: "I think we shuld do a sleepover Ive got a Princess Barbie tent we kan put up in your garden Juzt make shore the dog doezn't widdle in it."

Answer: Can I play with your Barbies? Are they naked?

Fargate fan writes: "P.S. Do you like strawberries?"

Answer: I do, actually. Although I'm partial to a bit of cream cheese and eggs.

Tollbooth writes: "Moe how many scenes will Teyla and Shep have? I only ask because even though I know that they will happen I just need to reassure the rest of the shippers."

Answer: They will have 100 and 59 and a half point 2/3. And a poptart.

UltraGG1Fan writes: " I WUV U MOE

GIVE US SAM/SHEP TRU WUV SHE DESERVES A REEL MAN"

Answer: I just love reel men, like Gregory Peck and Marlon Brando. I shall attempt a resurrection just to get one of them for Sam, however, I don't talk about ships.

August 6th, 2007

It seems like just yesterday that this blog was getting 2 hits a day and I was making up comments to answer in my Q & A section. Now I'm getting... I dunno but a lot more. Thank you all for your interest in my life. I'm flattered.

We had a production meeting today to cover some of the scenes from "Wanderers." I put up one of the ideas I had for the episode. It's people wandering. And for all you Shep whumpers out there, I wasn't able to get a picture of Shep whumped, so I took the liberty of drawing you one myself. It's Sheppard whumped in a hospital bed with blood. I'm considering an art career when I'm through with writing...

The meeting was rather boring since there were no snacks to photograph. So imagine my surprise when I returned to my office to discover that a French friend had left me a bushel of sweets, and an English friend had sent me several packets of English hot cocoa mix. Oh the joys of chocolate! And I just love ground duck liver. Does anything sound more decadent than that?

My my my, you all are very curious today. Time for a little Q & A, if you will --

sallyweeps writes: "Oh Moe, you are just the funniest thing. And the pics are awesome. Never stop gracing us with you most awesome awesomeness.

And to those of you who insist on hijacking Moe's blog to push your ship agendas, Moe has made it perfectly clear that he doesn't talk about ship.

Now do what I say and only praise him. Praise him!"

Answer: My most awesome awesomeness? You humble me. Though I thank you for your support enforcing my rule of not discussing ships.

quiet_fractures writes: "Moe, I just want to tell you that you are a genious. All those other haters that don't follow your every word are just lemmings. I shall take it upon myself to defend you on Gatewank all the times. Yes you are my hero. Also please give us some Shep whump. I don't have an agenda at all."

Answer: You're my favorite kind of fan. The kind with no agenda. As for genius... well, I wouldn't go that far, however it's not out of the hypothetical ball park.

Anonymous # 1 writes: "So, I know you don't answer things like this. But I had to ask. What is up with the character development. One episode we see Teyla dieing Ronon hugging her then next we see Teyla dieing and Ronon eating. Is Sheyla gonna have babies? Is McKay your alter-ego cuz...he is always eating, and a jackass at times. Another one. How many pugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

Answer: Teyla and Ronon have no relationship. Ronon likes his food more than her. Only he's not cool enough to photograph it like I am. Sheyla babies? Hmmm... that would entail one of us having the slightest idea of how to write for not only a woman, but a mother... I'll get back to you on that one. Ah yes, McKay. I like to think of him as the star of the show - a real unsung hero the way he comes up with something around the 40th minute of every episode and wraps things up nicely. He's a writer's dream - a living, breathing deus ex machina. Which, of course, is also me, because I am god-like.

amimeeps writes: "Hi Moe, I know you said you don't listen to fans when you make your creative decisions but I gotta try again. Could you please kill off John Sheppard? It would make me orgasm so bad, and I need it. I want him dying a slow, sweet death, you know lots of blood and all, make him suffer cuz you know it's good and all. You probably couldn't tell but I do love the character. Oh yeah, in case you didn't notice, I'm a proud whumper.Bye"

Answer: I made sure I got that picture in there just for you, babe.

MajorlyDull writes: " ZOMG! ZOMG!

Amanda Tapping is so hot. I want to be Amanda Tapping. Or Sam Carter.

I want that old man Jack to give her babies so I can live out my daddy fantasies through them.

:D"

Answer: You have daddy fantasies? Try getting a pug. It really helps.

nc17 writes: "I have nothing to say except that you are my God, and I would follow you to a Waco like demise."

Answer: Good to know. I may yet need you when I make my super villain bid for world domination... what skills do you have?

blabberella writes: "Moe I just want to say that I agree completely with all the changes you have made. Weir was a waste of space I mean she sucked soooo much. Plus she was getting in the way of my ship, I mean we all know that Teyla is so HOT and I want to do things...wait what was I saying. Oh, yeah, thank god that Weir is gone. She was such a bad leader, can you believe she decided to actually think about a decision. Actual thoughts were going through her head. She was too emotional I mean she should be stoic like Teyla. I know its not your guys fault that she sucked. I mean it was all Weir."

Answer: Yes, Weir's constant inaction as she pondered her decisions was a huge speed bump in the storylines. The fault does lie with her. This is one case where I will admit that she's a real person and not a fictional character because it relieves me of any responsibility for her suckiness.

psychowhumperchick writes: "Oh most glorious and effete man! Please tell us widdle whumpkins who are panting with lust for Sheppy's nekkid body to be seen in full frontal view in all its glory throughout the land...that ...um...I lost my train of thought.

Oh yeah, can we get nekkid Sheppikins in the infirmary preferably with copious amounts of blood spatter? ASAP.

And how can anyone think we want anything other than just to kiss the boo boo? Meanies.

You are a glorious and effete man."

Answer: If you'll notice... my drawing of your beloved Sheppard is indeed in the buff... with as much blood spatter as my pen would allow...

Anonymous # 2 writes: " Dear Moe,

I want to hear about Carter's new haircut. It's sooo hot, it's even better than new uniforms!! Please tell me she won't have to wear that short hair again! I want to have hair like that."

Answer: Hear about her new haircut? What's there to hear about? It's hair that was cut and is now no longer living because it was once in the first place but is now no more.

pg15 writes: " Pfft, you are so not worthy to worship Moe nc17. I am THE most devout worshipper and you will burn in the fires of the Ori if you do not cease and desist the worshipping.

Moe, I worship you with the passion of a thousand stargate-blackhole-induced exploding suns."

Answer: Please, please, don't start a fight over me... I'd hate to cause any trouble in the fandom.

4vrwhalesam writes: " "Anonymous pravi ...

Dear Moe,

I want to hear about Carter's new haircut. It's sooo hot, it's even better than new uniforms!! Please tell me she won't have to wear that short hair again! I want to have hair like that."

Oh my, I wish I could look as good as Carter in that boyish short hair, only her. only her. *bows* me wants it too, but where to buy???"

Answer: Where to buy a haircut? Isn't that like asking how much dirt is in a hole?

Sanscoeur writes: "Wow yo Moe! *loves you* Do you speak french? Bc my french friends want to post on your blog but they're afraid bc they believe it's an only english speaking blog. :(
So, I know this question has never been asked before but I was wondering if Weir would ascend? And is Teyla gonna get some whumping and I mean hardcore whump? ( But Rochelle NutTrail being pregnant will you guys use her double more? Bc I love her double like woah, she was great in well most of Teyla's episodes, again it's absolutely not you guys fault if Weir and Teyla are just so ridiculously unuseful !!)"

Answer: I have found an online translator site so tell your friends to feel free to post away, although I am partial to people who speak Mexican. Will Wier ascend? She shall indeed ascend the stairs that lead to payroll to receive her final paycheck. Because she's a real person, not an actress, as I told blabberella. Teyla will have more of a story arc this season since we don't like to take notice of a woman until she's pregnant and is hard to miss.

Cheeky lil Devil writes: " *waves*

*cough*

can I just say that it's actually,

Cheekypsychowhumperchick

Thank you *felt the need to clarify*

Hey! Don't forget the intubation part, cos that's the most important bit, well apart from him being nekkid. :P

Thanking you oh crazy and nutty one.

*hugs*"

Answer: Oh dear. I believe I forgot the breathing tube in my drawing... I'll have to remember that for next time...

linzi writes: " Dear Moe,

May I just say how utterly disgusted I am with this appalling blog, how distressing for me that I've not pissed you off enough for you do parody me! What's a girl gotta do to show you she's worthy?

I'm heartbroken I'm not visible enough to be lovingly ridiculed. I should have chosen a better net name, shouldn't I?

Hmmmm... how about Wackywhumper, or Lustful Linzi? Mind you, there'd be no point because Moe, you wouldn't ever answer my damn questions anyway, would you??? ;)"

Answer: I've ignored you? I'm sorry - it's nothing personal. I'm sure you could understand what with how incredibly popular, god-like and genius I am, I don't always have the time to respond to every comment... unless every comment is about me, of course. Why don't you try asking me about what I like to eat?

Anooonymoose spraky fan writes: "I just wanted to thank you moe for letting my lizziebeth have eyesex with Sheppard. Oh lizzy is wonderful and funny and brilliant she could run atlantis single handedly. Why oh why did you feel the need for her to be own3d! She doesn't deserve to burn, please give that to the whumpers, they crave that pyschopathic stuff, but lizzy is so fragile, i mean what will happen to her pretty face? I hope she won't be disfigured."

Answer: What's eyesex? How does it work? I'm suddenly very interested... Elizabeth's fragility is one of the reasons we have let her go. I mean, she didn't even escape the explosion unscathed, which is a sure sign of her weakness as a leader.

FarGateFan writes: "Hey Moe, I just want to know, why oh why, don't you have Vala on the show!!!! I mean she made SG1 what it was!!! Who cares about the first 8 seasons, they didn't count!! The sun rises on Claudia Black and if you can't see that, then your a &%*%ing idiot! Bring Vala to the show, who cares if she doesn't fit in!"

Answer: How bout I take something and shove it where it don't fit in YOU?! And I am NOT an idiot!

Anonybooze writes: " So, JoeMoe, whatever your name is..hic...sorry, been down the bourbon again...****### hic...

A serious question for a change. Are you a transvestite?"

Answer: Are you an alcoholic? I don't see what could have ever led you to believe that I'm a transvestite...

PissyMcPissed writes: "Ok. seriously, answer my QUESTION. Do Teyla and Ronon get payed just like everyone else? && what's up with their outfits? I mean, can't they get their own uniforms too?

*wink*"

Answer: Teyla and Ronon have no relationship, therefore they don't get paid. And what are you, smart or something? They wear the traditional clothes of their cultures which, of course, are rather raggedy because their cultures are far below that of our superior earth culture. Ronon's beads symbolize his love of toast.

My Name Is Scott writes: " Moe. wey to make the hole fanbass angryr by canseling starrgait LOLZ"

Answer: That was a studio decision. And I walk with a star gait,

Sheylafanatic writes: "Ok. Since all these STUPID ships on SGA are running through the fandom. I Wanted to know--are you going to put a stop to this madness?! I can't STAND it anymore. Please, just reveal that Teyla and Ronon are BROTHER and SISTER.We all know it's true. I mean the way the look at each other SCREAMS "SIBLINGS" And they look JUST like each other.It's obvious, so I will have full confidence in the fact that you will KILL all other ships!! Thanks!! I LOVE YOU! =]"

Answer: I have to agree with you on that one - they do look like they could be twins with their similar heights and tones of voice. As for killing all other ships... I hope you mean space ships, because other ships don't exist. And thank you for your love... if you're Rachel Ray I just might return it...

bluepills writes: "Anooonymoose spraky fan why are you turning this into a ship thing. You know Moe will never acknowledge sparky. Stop talking about ship.

Now Moe will Shep and Teyla be together in s4 like it was meant to be."

Answer: Sheppard and Teyla will always be together for they are teammates and special. Though I don't discuss ships.

Anooonymoose spraky fan writes: " "bluepills said...
Anooonymoose spraky fan why are you turning this into a ship thing. You know Moe will never acknowledge sparky. Stop talking about ship.

Now Moe will Shep and Teyla be together in s4 like it was meant to be. "

Excuse me, but I asked Moe that question. Who put you as blog moderator? What on earth gives you the higher authority to tell me what i can and can't ask?

*mod liscence revoked*

Moe, don't listen to viagra, we can tell that it's spraky you love. Their lust can't be denied. I mean all the fandom are talking about it. Why in one scene, Hot Zone, they actually were quite nasty to each other and we all know that means they want to jump each other's bones."

Answer: Please, please, rest assured that I am the all-powerful one here. There is no need for you guinea pigs to quibble.

lutz writes: " Hey Moe how about some whump for my luff Sheppy. I've heard there will be some in Wanderers SQUeEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. Shep Whump thread is actually a 4th sheyla thread. for realz."

Answer: Yes, indeed, there shall be some Shep whump in "Wanderers." Did I mention yet that I wrote "Wanderers"? It should be the best episode of season 4.

Anonymous # 3 writes: "Hey Moe, do you intend to make Ronon and Sheppard start having regular hair cuts??!!!"

Answer: No one can approach Ronon with a pair of scissors and survive. And Sheppard is hoping J.K. Rowling will cave and write stories of James Potter so so that he can play James (with his wind swept hair) in the WB films.

Remedial English writes: " OMG Moe, U R teh l33test eva. All trolls are n00bs. PWND.

Keep up teh lulz. SRSLY."

Answer: You deserve to be flogged, salted, and hung out in front of a lawn mower at which point you would be eaten by Cookie Monster.

scurimore writes: " Hey Moe, any chance Vala crosses over in S4 and we see some hot lesbo action between her and Carter?"

Answer: That's... a very interesting story premise. Why don't you contact me privately with your e-mail and we'll see about getting you in to write a spec script.

Anonymous # 4 writes: " Sorry NC17, but PG15 wins the suckup award, since he posted the link to this blog on another certain blog...

Yeah, PG15. Suckup king."

Answer: What other blog? No one could possibly be more intriguing, dashing and dastardly than I am. Unless, of course, it was someone making a satire out of material provided by me, but who would have the balls to do that?
JesamJebena writes: "Will the writers for SGA ever learn to write for the women characters? I think SG-1 was KINDA working..but that got canceled soo...."

Answer: Some people think I'm a transvestite. If I were a transvestite do you think there would be any difference in the writing of the female characters? I don't think so. And SG-1 got canceled because there were two women on the team which is two too many.

Carter4ever!!!111!! writes: " Dear Moe,

Doesn't it suck that Carter fans have been victimized the most in this fandom? SDJ and OS always bitch about Carter. We bring it up constantly to get pity points. Hopefully Joe will throw us a bone if we lay it on thick. Those mean Daniel fans! Poor wittle us.

We hate TPTB because they stole Carter's leadership position and gave it to stupid Cambo. Then they stole Carter's episode time and gave it to that whore Vala. TPTB suck!

...what's that? Carter is going to be on SGA full time next year? We love you TPTB! We trust everything you do! <3 style="font-weight: bold;">nc17, I may yet need you when I make my super villain bid for world domination...

licksuCarter writes: "yes, we carter fans have been treated the worst. we didn't get 10 years of sammy on SG-1 and we aren't getting her in the movies and atlantis either. What do Weir fans have to complain about?*criiiiiiiiiieez* oh wait we are having all that. oh well, tough luck Weir fans! weeeeeeeeeee we wuv you carter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Answer: Carter, being a military woman who has been surrounded by 2 men and Daniel for years, has more potential to be man-like which is why we're keeping her. She's easier for us men to write. Weir, unfortunately, was a negotiator and knew how to compromise. That's problematic for storytelling because without ultimatums, there's no conflict to write about.