Tuesday, August 7, 2007

August 7th, 2007

One of my favorite TV shows is Curb Your Enthusiasm. Why? Because Larry David makes hilarious episodes that satirically expose the absurdity of a situation while wearing the convincing disguise of actuality. David is a mastermind of flirting with the line of impropriety and provoking a response without crossing said line. His social commentaries highlight the behaviors that we have grown accustomed to and force ourselves to accept, when really we should be taking a step back and wondering, "why is it so improper for a man to comment that he'd like underwear made of the foam of a bra cup while in a lingerie store? After all, it is an underwear store." His show is hilarious yet insightful at the same time. A good dose of satire makes one more aware and humbles the ego to maintain inner balance. Which is why I feel it's important that Larry David tease his "celebrity" friends, lest they forget that it's all about entertainment.

In that same spirit, I attempted to get the cast to pose for humiliating photographs today, but all I got was a stuntman and an apple. I had a chicken and pesto sandwich for lunch today and meant to photograph it for my blog... then realized that I'd already eaten it all before I got a good shot, and I don't think anyone wants to see it when it returns. There's a shot of the placard on my desk. And another of a dog who is ugly because she is not a pug.

Sorry - no drawings today. I am pleased that so many of you whumpers enjoyed my whumped Sheppard drawing and even went so far as to praise my art skills, however I am very upset that a) no one mentioned my first drawing of the team wandering from "Wanderers," and b) that no one commented on the fact that McKay is clearly squatting on the trail, defecating in said drawing.

Now to check the mailbag --

nc17 writes: "My skills include sucking up, blind loyalty, being a yes man, basically making you fell better about yourself. Do I get to be your loyal servant when you try to take over the world."

Answer: I'm assuming that was a question even though there was no question mark. And your skills sound entirely useful... brush up on your spelling and punctuation and I may yet have use for you...

Anonymous # 1 writes: " So Ronon and Teyla, how many stickfights will they have?"

Answer: Teyla and Ronon have no relationship. Though being aliens whose cultures are below ours, yes, they do hit each other with sticks. When their enemies come they can be ready to hit them with sticks, too. Teyla and Ronon will have several stick fights because they have no relationship.

Anonymous # 2 writes: "I mean, US SHEYLA shippers have been NOTHING but very extremely Sweet and Nice. We do nothing to piss ANYONE off. They on the other hand just SUCK. WE are so much better. Don't you agree?"

Answer: Yes, I do, actually... and if you want to prove your sweetness, go ahead and send me a box of chocolates. Though I don't talk about ships.

Anonymous # 3 writes: "I was wondering if any of the future SG-1 movies will be centered around Mitchell losing his pants."

Answer: Not as of yet, however I am not in charge of the films. I'll put a word in for you, however, since Mitchell losing his pants yet again could gain a few more viewers...

peteconfetti writes: "Anyway, this is just a friendly note to let you know that if Sam and Jack don't get together I will destroy your blog with my army of sockpuppets."

Answer: Sorry to hear about what a tough month it's been. I sometimes get the feeling that if I just disappeared from the internet no one would care, either. But then I think of the smiling faces of my dogs and I know that my life has meaning. But sock puppets, you say? How utterly disturbing... I shall ready my ninja sword to be prepared to cut off the hands infesting those puppets should the situation call for it.

anonymouse writes: " Moe, how in the hell do you eat all that crap and not get fat?!!!"

Answer: It's funny - I've been waiting for someone to ask just that question. I alternate my routines - one morning I'll wake up and run, not jog, but run for 100 miles, and the next morning I'll lift 50 lb weights for 2 hours.

Disturbingly Pervy Anonymous writes: "Moe, if you, Brad and Rob C. were to have a wet t-shirt contest, who would have the best abs? And how much more can you bench press than Coop?"

Answer: Good question. I've actually been wondering that myself recently. Since I work out so much, I think the answer would be me. As for your second question, I now have some investigating to do...

sanscoeur writes: "Please tell them that your plan was to have Twix from day one."

Answer: I love Twix. Do you have any packs of the peanut butter kind? Those are my favorite yet oh so hard to come by. Feel free to mail a pack to the studio.

PG13 writes: "Moe, just letting you know that I've carved your likeness into the flocking you gave me and used it as the centerpiece in an elaborate shrine I've erected in your honor.

I hope you don't think this is too over-the-top, I don't want things to get 'weird' between us or anything."

Answer: That's fabulous. How 'bout a piccy? I don't think anything coul get 'weird' between us, whether you've erected something in my honor or not. Thanks.

Wimzi writes: "Next time you do a drawing of him, can you make it anatomically correct? If not, I'm sure one of us thunkers could do it for you."

Answer: I'll ave my copy of Grey's Anatomy on hand next time I get the urge to draw Shep Whump. I knew something was missing but just couldn't place what... a toe, perhaps?

Sallyweeps writes: "And Moe, how do you tolerate the narrowminded people you have to deal with? You must be some kind of saint. More hugs."

Answer: Ah yes - the challenge of the narrow minds. It's something that I have faced all of my life - some people just refuse to recognize my authority and feel a sense of entitlement because of my accessibility on the web. And it's not like I talk about ships or anything so I don't see why they keep commenting.

psychowhumperchick writes: " OMG! OMG! Moe, I think I just had a dozen of your babiez."

Answer: Oh dear - you better call me soon. We have some child support payments to work out...

Anonymous # 4 writes: " Oh my, the picture of Sheppard is awesome. I love it. Can you draw more? Please? Pretty please? *begs* May I recommend Ghirardelli Intense Dark Mint Bliss? You will love that chocolate. :D"

Answer: Thank you for your support of my artwork. I just may draw more... if I get sent enough chocolate. Thank you for your recommendation - I'll check it out. I'm always one for Minty Blissness.

Masochistic OurStargate member writes: "Moe please tell us we suck! Say we're delusional with issues! Take unsolicited swipes at us in your blog! Blame us for the downfall Stargate! That's right, side with the Sam and S/J fan faction against us! Write more S/J shippiness! Yes! Yes! More shippiness!

*lights cigarette*"

Answer: You suck. You're delusional with issues. I shall unsolicitedly smite you with my snarky prowess and super villain powers...

wotza grrl 2 do writes: " moe omg ur soooo gr8! my mom thnks ur a reel person cuz i talk about u all d time omg thatz so cool lolololol!!11!!"

Answer: Really? Like, what do you say, specifically???

Hey Nonny Nonnymous writes: " I would like to complain about the lack of any resolution to the Teal'c/Cam ship."

Answer: Ah - I was afraid of this. It is a serious issue that I also personally hope gets remedied. Though I don't talk about ships.

sekrit shipper writes: "Dammit Moe! I'm sick of you stringing us shippers along. It's been 10 years, 10 long years of simmering unresolved sexual tension.

If Sam and Walter don't finally declare they're undying love for each other and have a white wedding on the Gate ramp with Cam, Teal'c and Daniel as flower girls I will commit hari-kari!"

Answer: I'm working on it - the issue of getting the actors to agree to being flower girls is still on the negotiating table, however. Though I don't talk about ships.

iamnotasock writes: "And don't stop feeding us all that behind the scenes info that has been so accurate up until now."

Answer: Rest assured, I won't. Now here's an interesting tidbit - in the episode "Wanderers," which I wrote, an old nemesis returns... and there is Shep whump.

Anonymous # 5 writes: "I hope you put the drawings up on ebay; they would sell so well.

Any chance we will get to see Sam eat blue jello on Atlantis?

Love the blog and can't wait to see more food and dog pics keep them coming."

Answer: Really? You think so? Wow. Maybe I should try to auction them off... and maybe, just for you, I'll draw Daniel and Sam eating blue jello in Atlantis... though I don't play favorites.

Anonymous # 6 writes: "The Human Resources department says there are no current vacancies coming up...ever. And they want the big jar of chocolates back from their waiting room desk, by the way."

Answer: I'd appreciate it if you had a little more discretion and didn't ask me about this in a public forum. I was having a bad day and I already sent a check for the chocolates, okay? And for the smashed vase... and the coffee pot... and that woman's doughnut...

Farscape's Calliope writes: "Why isn't Vala on the DVD box art for R1? "

Answer: Because we thought people in R1 didn't speak English and therefore would have something against a woman with an English accent even though she's from space. Sorry.

Sanscoeur writes: "Est-ce que nous verrons plus de sex dans La Porte Des Etoiles? Et surtout, du sex avec un peu de chocolat?" Merci!"

Answer: Quand il y jamais a eu le sexe dans le Portail d'Etoile ? Et sentir que libre m'envoyer quelque chocolat français. J'aime les pommes de terre et les haricots écrasés.

Enquiring minds writes: " Ou est la toilet dans la puddle jumper? Ou est que pourquoi ce s'appelle le puddle jumper. :P"

Answer: Très drôle ! Le portail d'étoile est en fait un bol de toilette énorme et les vermoulures sont les tuyaux. Donc le Cavalier est le poop.

quiet_fractures writes: "Moe Jacuzzi I LOVE YOU."
Answer: I know I've said this before but... if you're Rachel Ray, then right back at ya.

Sallywallywee writes: "I think we shuld do a sleepover Ive got a Princess Barbie tent we kan put up in your garden Juzt make shore the dog doezn't widdle in it."

Answer: Can I play with your Barbies? Are they naked?

Fargate fan writes: "P.S. Do you like strawberries?"

Answer: I do, actually. Although I'm partial to a bit of cream cheese and eggs.

Tollbooth writes: "Moe how many scenes will Teyla and Shep have? I only ask because even though I know that they will happen I just need to reassure the rest of the shippers."

Answer: They will have 100 and 59 and a half point 2/3. And a poptart.

UltraGG1Fan writes: " I WUV U MOE


Answer: I just love reel men, like Gregory Peck and Marlon Brando. I shall attempt a resurrection just to get one of them for Sam, however, I don't talk about ships.


Anonymous said...


Lemme show you all wuts up...



No Ford?
And we’re bored! (unh...)
Why bring him back?
Cause he was black! (chyeah...)
Why, if I see that fool Ladin,
Then where’s my man Aiden?
To show devotion, I even made a gourd
Dat looked just like Ford!
Any chocolate we send, you’re free to hoard,
But bring back our brother Ford!
So stop hadin on my man Aiden,
Or I’ll start raidin - cause I’m tired of waiden.. (mmm...)
I’ll ward off any of them, with a foot to the face
Like Ford would’ve, to put them in der place! (chyeah!!)
Now why is it I that’s hadin?


Anonymous said...

Hey did the Flan Man really say this about SG-1's cancellation?

"Yeah, it was a good run. Kinda show you could just sit around and drink a beer to. Like my own famous brand, O'Flanigan's. A rich mixture of hearty sundrenched barley lovingly fermented and mixed with just the right ingredients - you'll enjoy it to the last drop." - Joe Flanigan.

If so, lol...

yoursuckup said...

Dear Moe, I'm so dissappointed you still refuse to talk about ships. But then again, I must forgive you because everything you say is my gospel and you always tell the absolute truth, I would never EVER question the superior being that you are. If there's something I don't like being stated at the GateWank, I always offer your words as the proof and I make them believe it just as I do. Well, I do try at least, not always working, wonder why, can't imagine anyone doubting YOU. They MUST be the crazy ones, right? You agree with me, right?


Glithoneill (with 2 llls) said...

Enough about Spammi and Sir, Teyla, Shephard and that lot. No one cares, do you understand? Daniel is the most popular character and that's the only character we want to hear you discuss. After all, Stargate SG-1 is Daniel's story. And Michael – have you heard more about his role on "Eureka? Poor lamb. He just doesn't get the respect he deserves.

Gott go. My Danny Action figure is getting upset because no one is paying attention to him.


Anonymous said...

Interesting dog. It looks like the one RDA has. Did you dognap her to make him work in the movies?

nc17 said...

Moe, I'm really, really disappointed that you didn't let me have the first comment.

You know you love me the most. You gave me the flocking, for crying out loud.

I'm going to sulk now. I feel very much unloved, and I think you'll have to work to make it up to me.

Maybe another whiteboard full of fake storyline for me to squee over.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm thinking maybe Spam is being brought to Atlantis to be a great big red shirt who can be offed as Wraith-fodder.

Is that going to happen? Can that please happen?

And her title is Dr. You know you got rid of Dr Janet, Dr Beckett and Dr Weir. Can I nominate her for dismissal via Wraithification next?

Masochistic OurStargate member said...

"Answer: You suck. You're delusional with issues. I shall unsolicitedly smite you with my snarky prowess and super villain powers..."

Yes! We've been bad! We've been naughty! EEEEE!

*ahem* I have a small request though, can you say this while wearing fishnet stockings and a corset....? Just thought I'd put that out there, no pressure.

Sallywallywee said...

Moe, My Sam & Jack dols R nakid under their clothez so after their weding they can make beootiful wuv 2gether.

Scared and Confused SG-1 Fan said...

You know Moe, I just can't get a handle on SGA fandom. All this talk of ShWeir, Sheyla, McShep, Twix, Anti-Carter, Whumpers, Sparky, Spanky etc. I don't what the hell anyone's fighting about and which group is pushing what agenda! It's so frustratingly confusing that I just curl up into the fetal position and sob in despair.

Why can't they be nice and simple like SG-1 fandom? Violently cleaved down the middle into two houses (Sam fans, S/J shippers and Daniel fans D/J slashers) which are both alike in dignity and batshit insanity - with a bit of Teal'c and his lovely arms, Vala and her leather bodice and Mitchell heroically pantsless thrown in.

PG13 said...

nc17 said...

"You know you love me the most. You gave me the flocking, for crying out loud."

No! He loves me the most! And you keep your hands off my flucking flocking biach!

And to Moe: What is the synopsis for 'The Wanderers'? Is it 40 minutes of the team wandering through a pine forest? If it is, that is pure genius! Something we have never seen before!

sallyweeps said...

Anonymous said...
"Hey did the Flan Man really say this about SG-1's cancellation?

"Yeah, it was a good run. Kinda show you could just sit around and drink a beer to. Like my own famous brand, O'Flanigan's. A rich mixture of hearty sundrenched barley lovingly fermented and mixed with just the right ingredients - you'll enjoy it to the last drop." - Joe Flanigan.

If so, lol..."

I hate to say anything negative because you know I just wouldn't criticize, but anonymous doesn't know anything about Mr.F. I met him once at a con. I felt the glorious rapture of having his arm around me for the whole 10 seconds it took to take a picture. I inhaled his divine aroma and now I know all there is to know about him. Believe me when I say Mr. F would never make such a comment. I don't understand the beer reference. Are you implying that he is in any way connected to a beer franchise? Please check your facts because I know all about him.

Sorry to hijack the blog yet again Moe, but some people just have to be corrected. Now tell us more about your dogs. Because that is what we truly live for.

whumpsheylala said...

Moe, is John ever going to slap Teyla?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for takeing time to answer my question Moe; but not sure I want to see Daniel and Sam eating blue jello together. I am a Vala and Daniel fan and hope to see them together some more. Any chance we get Daniel to Atlantis; maybe not this season but lets imagine you do have a S5; can we maybe see them both on Atlantis?

And any chance you will honor Masochistic OurStargate members request; and hope you post the picture.

Again great blog keep those spoilers and pics coming.

peteconfetti said...

Thank you for your reply, Moe. I think I may have reached a personal crisis. I spent months on Gatewank trying to sockpuppet the Cam/Sam, Vala/Daniel and Daniel/Sam ships out of existence. I even admitted publicly to doing this in multiple threads, but only received a few "Bitch, please!" and "Don't let the door hit you on the way out" responses in return from the GW members (I do admit Cam baking Sam macaroons and showing her his undies, plus the blink and you'll miss it allusion to Sam/Teal'c ship in 'Unending' really sent me over the edge).

Now I'm back at Gatewank and trying to rebuild. Yet those non-Sam/Jack ships still remain as strong as ever.

Moe, my question to you is: How do I properly smite my fandom enemies so they fall at the feet of the glorious behemoth that is Sam/Jack? With one vague comment you are able to cause a fandom meltdown and various factions to try and rip each other’s throats out! Yet my months of incessant trolling have barely had any effect whatsoever!

Lots of love
petemoretti, ccdsah, nihela, hasdcc, disgustedSam/Jackshipper and the 20 other names I post under.

Anonymous said...

If you like mint chocolate, may I also suggest 3 Musketeers Mint with Dark Chocolate? I love that chocolate.

88 mph said...

Dearest Moe,

You're really busy! You read lots of books, go to fancy restaurants, play with your pugs, blog almost every day, and even have time to string along Stargate fans. On top of that you're the executive producer of Atlantis! Amazing!

You must have a time dilation device to get everything done. There's no way you could do all those other things without putting a half-assed effort into Atlantis. And you would never, ever do that. All those people bitching about your Lucius episode are just hatas.

blabby said...

Moe, I noticed that you haven't been talking enough about Teyla in season 4. Can you start talking about her? I don't want to sound demanding or anything, but that's all I care about. By extension, that's all you should care about too.

That's right, Teyla is my number one. Even though I spend most of my time whining about Weir, fapping off about ancient history, or browbeating everyone into the ground. It's the thought that counts.

PG15 said...

nc17 said...

Moe, I'm really, really disappointed that you didn't let me have the first comment.

You know you love me the most. You gave me the flocking, for crying out loud.

I'm going to sulk now. I feel very much unloved, and I think you'll have to work to make it up to me.

Maybe another whiteboard full of fake storyline for me to squee over.

Sweet! That's 2 fellow flocking brothers (or sister, whatever). Join the club yo!

Anonymous said...

Dear Moe. Could you please write Jack retiring to Atlantis to be with Samantha? Jack likes fishing, McKay is called Rodney, Jack has a fishing 'rod' and a bad 'knee', McKay named a whale Sam, whales live in water, water surrounds Atlantis and contains fish and Jack likes fishing, so this would be good continuity and destiny. I will send you some chocolate and cookies and a poem about my kitten.