Friday, August 10, 2007

August 10th, 2007

Pics are of my scrumdiddlyocius breakfast, my favorite plant to walk naked in (for some reason I end up itchy afterwards), and Public Enemy # 1 attempting to avoid her likeness being captured.

Little Jonida came to work with me today, as planned. I snuck her in my briefcase with a bottle of onion soup and a can of Ostrich Idus. After double-checking to make sure the coast was clear, I closed the door and turned on my computer and let little Jonida type away. It’s frightening how many great story ideas she has. As those of you who have seen the documentary probably noticed, we pride ourselves in employing talking animals. Which is why I am suddenly struck with just how perverted owning a dog is in the world of talking animals.

Did any of you read the books or watch the cartoon of Arthur? He was an aardvark whose best friend was a rabbit. He hung out with two monkeys and a bear/bulldog thing and... he owned a dog. Is that not sick and twisted? I’m beginning to question my own morality here.

I was also ambushed while exiting the office yet again today. Little Jonida was traumatized by my screams as I was pelted by not only eggs, but also tomatoes. I’m beginning to think that the children I met at the park yesterday were also savage heathen guinea pigs sent to ambush me, which would be why they threw the rock.

In this state of deep self-reflection I have decided that this shall be my penultimate blog entry. That’s right, my minions - Moe Jacuzzi is going to be disappearing from the web. I can’t say for sure when I’ll be back, especially since I’ll be spending most of the rest of my time counseling little Jonida after her recent trauma, but there is always the possibility of my return. For now, however, it is time for you to leave me your parting words, comments and questions. I’ll post for my final time tomorrow.

On that dismal note, I’ll check the mail –

PG15 writes: “Moe, would you like me to rub your feet for hours at a time? I request nothing in return, as I will be by your side. Or even better, I would be beneath you, which is exactly how fans should feel...globviously.”

Answer: Oh my faithful minion, how I shall miss your incessant groveling. But for the time being I must ask you be patient my humble servant, and await in the shadows as the Death Eaters awaited the return of the Dark Lord.

Kirfect writes: “Is there anyway that you can have Carter say. "Dude we should whack this guy" sometime soon?

Also is there any pie left”

Answer: Whack who? That is not a subtley-veiled fandom reference to hiring a hit man to kill me, is it? And gods no – that piece of pie that I photographed was one I specifically cut out and set aside for the picture while I devoured the rest with my hands.

Jen Kirk writes: “You may not find it funny Moe, but I gotta say the fact that you have bitching directed towards YOU is truely hilarious”

Answer: Finally – a fan who truly understands my invaluable worth. I created this blog for praise, not complaints. Nor a source of negativity. I don’t see why so many of you got upset over my guinea pig comment. Guinea pigs are cute – fat, scurrying, and squeaky.

SallyWallyWee writes: “Oh Moe I wuv u so mush I no everyone is naked under thier cloths but Sam & Jack R saving themselfs for special cuddles after thier marriage which we can play out in my Princess Barbie tent in yur garden.

Mom & Apple Pye says shes kept a glory box for me since i woz born so its perfect for uz to set up houze in the Princess Barbie tent 2gether.

Mom & Apple Pye wantz uz 2 set up the Princess Barbie tent in her garden coz u need to beehav yurself

We can have a doble wedding wit my Elisbef & Shep dollz.”

Answer: Whoa whoa whoa... when I responded to your previous comments I didn’t mean to give the impression that I was in any way interested in you, little girl. And who the hell are Mom and Apple Pye?

Anonymous # 1 writes: “Now, your doggies are so adorable!”

Answer: Why thank you. I certainly think so. Did you enjoy today’s little Jonida story?

Northern Red writes: “Will John confess his undying love for Elizabeth before she gets axed from the show?”

Answer: She was exploded, not axed. There were no axes involved, aside from that shard of metal stuck in Ronon which no one made the offer to pull out because we didn’t want his teammates caring about his life to seem shippy in any way. Though I don’t discuss ships.

DownWithSheyla writes: “Moe, Who do you thinks is prettier Elizabeth are that slut Teyla?”

Answer: ....Ah yes. I see you’re one of the Weir/Jacuzzi, Teyla/Jacuzzi shippers. It’s flattering, really, though I don’t discuss ships.

TeylaIsYucky writes: “Moe, If you guys make Sheyla cannon I will no longer watch your show, oh wait a minute, I thinks I've already made that threat a million time already. Let me see I need something new to threaten you with. You know I'm really going to have to give this alot of thought, so I'm going go back to GW, talk to the rest of my Sparky friends and come up with some new threats.”

Answer: ...You’re not an egg-wielder, are you?


PG15 said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Please, don't leave us!!! *cries* How are we to survive without your brilliance giving us light and...bunnies?! Think of the bunnies oh great and powerful Moe! Think of the bunnies!!

But...if this is indeed your decision, then I can hardly try are persuade you, as you are right in everything you do, have done, or will do. I just hope you remember us when you leave the we will remember you...for your greatness.


not that anonymous but the other one said...

Moe, what will we do? And just when the Sheylas were getting on board. Though I guess that will give us Sparky fans more time to sharpen our knives for the return of Shipper Wars II.

Time for one last dig. If Sheyla becomes canon, will you write a story in which Shep actually looks directly at her? Because that would be like so kewl. Even though it's not necessary due to the Sheyla psychic network and all.

KirFect said...

Say it ain't so MOE!!! Don't go.

:: Crying here:::

Please stay

:: Groveling and Begging:::

do it for your fans!

Do you have any fans?

Yasmin said...

Please bite your typing finger, of course Mr. Jacuzzi has fans.

Please don't leave us Mr. J., what would us poor folks who have no life do at 12:30 AM on a Friday night w/o your blog to read?!

PG13 said...

PG15, just a post in response to your comments in the previous entry.

I apologise and wasn't intending to cause any offense. I did a take-off of your name as you're one of the regular commenters at JM's blog, and I meant to take the piss in a good natured way rather than maliciously. The intention was for it to be an OTT send-up of the more over-zealous side of fandom rather than a jibe at you personally.

And I do think most of the parody comments fall into that category. A few were obviously malicious, but most were just satirizing some of the more OTT comments in JM's blog ie. bizarre questions, sucking-up, bickering, agenda pushing, parodies of shippers, whumpers etc.

Southern Red said...

I've been parodied! Though I was hoping they'd be more original. I would have used "Northern Blue" and put more sarcasm and humor into it, but that's just me. Good job though.

To be serious for a short second, I think this parody would have offended fewer people if we all went by Elsa Maxwell's quote "Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can."

*runs back to play with legions of Sparky friends*

Inflammed Lemming said...

Oh no, please no, Moe, please don't go! (catchy tune, eh?)

Where will the S/J shippers who have been waiting tediously for over a decade now go to ask over and over again about consumation of that glorious relationship? Or where will those fans still stuck seething over the save the hunky archeologist (seasons 1-5) go to continue their wailing?

And where on earth can we go to find such glorious pictures of food.

No, Moe, don't go...

PG15 said...

PG13, there is no need to apologize. Now that I think back on it, your comments were pretty funny and, shall I say, true. I supposed I wasn't exactly thinking straight when I wrote what I did a few days and mixed you up with that other parody, which I thought was a little...uh..."out there".

So I think I should apologize to you about insinuating that you were being trollish. I am truly Sorry.

Joseph Mallozzi said...

Yeah, I checked out your Shipper Wars parody and have to say I am both disappointed and very, very angry. You have a lot of nerve. I mean, seriously. What the hell kind of tie is that? And you fancy yourself a supervillain. For shame.

Venemously yours,


P.S. - On the other hand, the paordy of the slashers was truly hilarious.